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Outside My Window, Something Seranades Me
Dear weird owlet/cat/small child outside my window, First of all, what are you? You are making a strange squealing/squeaking/(dare I say) burping noise that I can’t properly identify you by. This...
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Who Here Would Date an Elvis Impersonator?
Think about it. You’d be dating someone who looks a lot like a dead guy. You’d be dating a guy who lives his life as if he were a dead guy. Who loves this dead guy soooo much that he … Continue reading →
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Life is Nothing Without Jazz Hands
Jazz hands are never inappropriate. Ever. Except when a woman is giving birth and the doctor, instead of getting the baby, jumps up and starts shouting hallelujah and using jazz hands. Or when you’re...
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How to Keep it Classy, or How Not to Be a Twit
There is only one rule that one must abide by in order to stay classy. That rule is this: Don’t be a twit. Twit: (n.) 1. A moron with absolutely no sense. 2. One who uses Twitter. Okay, that second one...
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Society Told Me Not To
Society: I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Me: Shove it! Society has told me (yep, it speaks) that I shouldn’t do these things in public: 1. Don’t dance down the skywalk. People can see you. It is...
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Movie Stars and Have You Ever?
I want to live in an old movie. I’ve watched black and white movies for as long as I can remember. My childhood consisted of regular kids programs like Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street, but it was filled...
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I Miss You, What Are You Wearing?
When you think you’re playing it cool but you’re really just being a stalker. We’ve all done it. I (in all my magnificence and glory) have done it. You’ve done it. He, she, it does it. I bet James Bond...
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What’s a Heezy, Anyway?
I have been awarded the Versatile Blogger Award by the very attractive (I assume) blogger over at Merry Musings and now am absolutely required by law to post random facts about myself etc etc. But hey,...
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Why I’m Destined to be Tina Fey
People tell me I remind them a lot of Liz Lemon (for those of you who don’t know, that’s Tina Fey’s character on 30 Rock). While I pretend to be offended that people compare me to a single, middle-aged...
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When I Rule the World
1. Everyone will have a British accent, because it’s so much easier to sound clever that way. 2. Saint Cappy’s day will be a universal holiday. No big deal. 3. No one will ask me if I feel like a …...
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